Amethysts Place

yeah, Im over it

I’ve been seeing all these mother’s day postings all over on various social networks, and can I just say I’m already over it? It’s so sugary sweet that it’s making me gag.   Okay, maybe its my own personal issues that makes me feel this way, but seriously..enough.  My own mother?  yeah, well she’s been gone for almost 3 years now, and while I respect that she gave me life, truthfully, I can in all honesty say that if she had had access to birth control or knowledge about how babies happened to be..there might NEVER have been but one child in my family but my brother.  I was always made to take care of the other two, and let’s not forget the abuse that she instigated, goading my father into beatings that I never earned.  Even as an adult and realizing her psychosis, it does not change the past, but does help shape the future.  I decided that with my own children, I would be a “hands-on” mom, making sure they knew I loved them unconditionally, taking an interest in what they did and keeping them safe.  Corporal punishment was a last resort(usually at the end of my patience), other creative ways to punish were used when necessary.  So what did that do for me?  One child who has not spoken to me for almost a year, one child incarcerated, and another who does her own thing with a 3 word sentiment on my wall. Yeah…I think my next life plan is going to be damn specifically worded to not include children or anything that nature.  While I enjoy the little people who are more accepting than their parents, I have to go through others to experience them… So, I’m over it…But for those of ya’ll out there with different views, just ignore the curmudgeon in the corner over here

need to check myself

I am rolling my eyes as of late.  What gives others the right to automatically assume you know shit about the path you walk?  They give lecture on how to speak to YOUR guardian…yeah one that’s been with me for a long time…How to call them…how to write a lojack..I’ve been kicking ass by myself for some time thanks..I like how mine works just fine.  then tonight I get hit with “read the intent”..wtf?! I read damn well, even if I dont tell people what I see. and to me its insulting to say the least for someone to be telling me basic shit as if I am one of their fucking students.  I didnt sign on for that, and can walk away just as fucking fast. so tonight I am doing some intense searching within myself and will be making some decisions…I will not be used or talked down to.  Been there, done that, burned that bridge.

Reblog if you want your followers to tell you what kind of murder they could see you committing.

No what could I possibly do to someone?  ~fluffs halo~

(Source: starsinthegutter)

unsettled

The illness drama from last week has left me unsettled.  I’ve had several people tell me that I need to not ” care so much” about things on my path, other people, etc…It’s left me really emotional really because that isn’t my modus operendi…I am an emotional creature, striving for balance, and how my path works is very hands on. So now am left with a quandary.  How can I do what I enjoy what is on my path and yet do as others suggest?  I’ved tried to rest more, today even taking one of the dreaded nitro pills to soften the edges of pain and took a short nap.  But I’m angry with myself because of frailty of health.  The preoccupation of self had taken focus away from a special part of my life..and that makes me sad.  The one part that feeds me is now sitting because I have to focus on another part.  And I resent those who tell me to step away from that part of self that sits.  Do I tell them to walk away from church because god didnt hear their cry this week?  I have no answers…and there is nobody close I want to dump this on…so it goes out in this crap and hopefully as it moves on, I can find a place to stand to wait this out.

It’s not my job